Thursday, April 3, 2014

Internal Sunshine


Can you believe it?
This is my 100th post!
So just a little shy of 7 months ago, I started this blog. I started it just for myself. The Summer before, I discovered that there are such things as personal style blogs. Personal style (not fashion so much) was something I became really interested in after a few years of wearing dark blue jeans literally every single day, with something loose over them to hide my thickened body. But then I discovered all sorts of women who were posing in front of the camera and posting photos of themselves, and they looked so pretty and so confident, and they were saying something like "Style is not a size, but an attitude" and a bunch of other cool stuff about positive body image.



But then, I thought, I was too old for such things. It all looks so nice on them because they are young! Everyone is pretty when they are young! (Ha, I remember that I so disagreed with this statement when my grandma said it - of course, I was probably 17 or so.)  Last Summer, I did not yet know any women of my age who blogged about style and posted pictures of themselves. 
As you can see, despite my doubts, I jumped in. 'Just for me', I told myself. Just because I would like to learn how to dress better. And just because I love blogging. I really did have tons of doubts about the whole idea. I did not even have many clothes back then (I had to create my whole wardrobe in the few months.) And then, English! I knew I wanted to try blogging in English. But could I? Will anybody even want to read me? And look at photos of me? I mean, it's just old me. Despite all the apparent obstacles, I decided that I'd give it a try. Just for myself. Just for fun. It was about 7 months and 99 posts ago.


I have gained so much during this period! Luckily, not in kilograms. I've gained some new skills (writing, editing, some things about modern fashion and style, etc.), some new clothes, and a new understanding of what it is to be me at 40 (Gosh, was I panicky about it just a few months ago). And something else, something completely priceless and precious, which I really did not think would happen. I don't know exactly what I was thinking, but I know I was not thinking about that. I was so completely burned out before I began this blog. I needed a space just for myself, and nobody else. It was completely selfish, completely focused on me and nobody else. I felt both indulgent and self-conscious at the same time. I mean, really, style blog? How superficial, how frivolous! 


7 months and 99 posts later, I feel like I am a changed person. I am glad that I am learning so much about style and stuff. It is all very fun, very entertaining and joyful. It's like some parts of me are opening up, the parts I forgot about. My Mom said, when I showed this blog to her, "Now I recognize my daughter!" Putting everybody else before me - family, community, friends in need of support - made me forget about myself. Maybe it sounds like a lousy excuse, but I believed in what I was doing. And I believed that I had to give and give and give. So I gave and gave and gave... Until there was nothing to give any more. All that was left from that fun, cheerful, optimistic person... well, I don't even want to go there. I'll just say that I felt like I lost all my joy. All of it. There was no sunshine inside of me.


But that was then, 7 months and 99 posts earlier. Or maybe even 50 posts earlier. Who counts. I know that now I am a changed person. With so much more confidence and so much more joy. That inner sunshine, which seemed to be lost for a while, is back again. I feel cheerful again. I am looking forward to a new day again. I get fresh ideas again. I have dreams again. And I also found new friends which are, let me tell you, simply amazing. Kind, respectful, supportive, funny, beautiful, and creative. One can only dream of friends like that! So when I realized that my 100th post was coming up, I wanted to celebrate it. I wanted to dress up! I know, it sounds silly as the whole point of this blog is dressing up (which is very symbolic in itself -  we dress up to celebrate, yes? We celebrate life every time we do it!) Well, silly or not, but that is what I have done. I dressed up in this gorgeous silk shirt made by a California based company called URU (do you get it? I didn't right away). I found this blouse at the consignment shop in Port Townsend (I paid only $20 for this amazing beauty). I didn't know what to pair it with, and then while stopping at the mall for some new tights, I spotted these fun corduroy leggings by Hue. They were on clearance for just 7 bucks, I had to buy them. And the rest just fell in place easily. I am not sure what people think of me when they see me in these leggings. They might think that I forgot my pants at home or something. But I like this outfit! I think it creates rather medieval feel, (actually, Justin was the one who pointed it out). Like I am a minstrel or something like that.


This beautiful shawl was an antique mall find. Sellers do not always know what they sell. This one was marked as "Russian tablecloth". While I am definitely up to creative usage of whatever stuff we have, I have to say that this item is way too gorgeous to put it on a table with all the dishes and food and drinks. No way. It is a pure wool, traditional Russian shawl made in a factory which is 200 years old. I wrote about this type of shawl, which we call 'platok', in this post. It is huge (I folded it in half)! You can easily wear it as a dress if you get creative. It's pretty amusing how the two patterns resemble each other, don't you think? I bet Russian traditional patterns were an inspiration for this beautiful American blouse.


We took these pictures last weekend. It was a gorgeous sunny, a bit breezy day, perfect for a walk in a park. And so we did - we took a stroll in a beautiful park, I am in my minstrel-ish kind of outfit, all celebratory and happy, with the sun out and within.


Silk blouse - URU (American made and thrifted). Leggings - Hue. Ruana - Chico's (clearance, about $30, last year). Scarf - Target (clearance, $4). Shoes - Born. Jewelry - thrift shop, boutique finds, Chico's. Purse - via TJ MAXX.

Russian platok - antique mall find.

Linked up with Spy Girl's 52 Pick-me-up: Yellow Fever!


30 comments:

  1. Natalia- I love the first photo- in fact all the photos! I wish there was a magazine with you on the cover! You look vibrant, confident, gorgeous! I couldn't agree more on how personal style is relevant, fashion is a side effect. That the community, real people real friendships acquired by blogging is a life changer, and that the way I feel towards dressing has stepped up into real confidence. Congrats on your 100th post- and on your blog, and style journey. So glad to be a part of it! -Bella Q

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    1. Bella, I am so honored to have found you and be a part of the online community which you took time and energy to create! Thank you for all you are doing, my dear friend. And thank you for your sweet comment, I don't think I have ever imagined myself on a magazine cover! And why not, really? :)))

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  2. I love your outfit so much more than I can find words for at the moment. That is definitely not a table cloth! I love Russian folk prints as I associate them with stylized florals which I have always loved. And the yellow leggings- oh so much sunshine! But the best part is that all these lovely things are adorning the beautiful Natalia! I loved your post and am so glad you are blogging. I can relate very much to the reasons why you started and all the thoughts you have about it and am so happy to have you as my new friend!
    xo

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    1. Shawna, I am too very happy to have found you! Thank you thank you thank you for all your wonderful comments! I am amazed that there are so many women who can relate to what I wrote here... We really needed to find each other! :)

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  3. Happy 100th post, Natasha! Yes, blogging has a transformative power, I think, one which I didn't fully understand when I started. I just wanted to join in with what seems like a fun thing to do and some cool women who I had started to chat with via their blogs. And it has definitely been a life changer. I too love the friendship, the support, the inspiration from the women in this little corner of the blogging world, it's a kind, funny, warm and chatty place to hang out. And it's all the better for having you in it, my dear!
    The silk shirt is glorious, but oh that Russian shawl is just stunning. You know how I love my florals! Such vivid colours, pure sunshine, like you! xxx

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    1. Thank you so much, my beautiful friend! I know, florals are you! :) We'll have to find you a good Russian shawl in a charity shop!

      I blogged before, but it was not in English and it was not about this topic. I did meet some amazing people through blogging in previous years too. But I have never experienced such a sense of kind, respectful and healthy community online (or even off line) yet. This is something completely unique and beautiful! We all need a nourishing atmosphere in order to really "bloom madly" as Bella Q says. That is what is happening here. All these amazing women are not only amazing because of their individuality, but because of their incredible support which provides so much needed nourishment to our souls. Cheers to all of us! :)

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  4. I love your outfit. So creative and colorful and alive! I found your blog through The Citizen Rosebud. Love this post and I couldn't agree with you more. I blogged, took a break, repeated that and now I'm back again but the one constant is that blogging is fun and it definitely increases your confidence level. Debbie @ ilovemylemonadelife.com

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    1. Thank you so very much, Debbie! I am so happy that we are all connecting! :)

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  5. Wow congratulations! : ) 100 posts is a whole lot of work and dedication. It is so wonderful to see how blogging has impacted your life in such a positive way. I want some of that magical bloggy fairy dust you are sniffing...

    My favourite thing about blogging is definately crossing paths with people such as yourself that can provide some insight, support and friendship. Without that, I'd have stopped blogging ages ago.

    I LOVE that shawl! What a find.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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    1. I so agree with you, Suzanne! To me, there is no point in blogging (or, frankly, doing anything else) if there is no real kindness, respect and support to each other. I enjoy every minute spent in this amazing group.

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  6. Happy 100th post Natalia! blogging is a wonderful thing, I started 8 months ago and I agree about it's powers! it has transformed me and I understand completely about losing joy and sunshine because it had happened to me too but this last year has been wonderful and nurturing, my husband said he has his wife back!
    You look absolutely exquisite and beautiful, your outfit is just amazing and I adore your shawl, what a find! and I'm so happy I found you too! x x x

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    1. Our husbands can get together, I bet there would be something in common to talk about! Thank you, Sandra! Love and hugs!

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  7. I can relate to everything you express here. You look utterly gorgeous and it's hard to believe the transformation you describe, since I can't imagine you looking dull!! Your use of color is astounding, and I love your details (those earrings!!).

    I found blogging to be an amazing, healing exercise too. I discovered I like to write, I like having a space just for me, and like you, I felt like I was losing myself before I started. Congratulations on your wonderful, courageous journey. XXOO

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    1. Thank you, Jean! It is an amazing journey, who knew? There is something about this unique community though. I am not a novice at blogging in general. And I am just me in general, no matter where I go and what I do. But it is this tremendously supportive and thoughtful, and kind women like yourself who make all the difference. Thank you for being you!

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  8. You look radiant in your yelliw ensemble, of course, but I saw something even more reverent and beautiful...I saw YOU. Natalia, this post radiates because you have such a warm spirit.

    We all leaped into the blog journey for many reasons. I can attest, that women in our 40s have given so much. Like you, I began as an escape from the stresses of life. There is something entirely freeing when we spend more than a moment on ourselves. Congrats on your journey ;)

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    1. Thank you, dear friend! I hear ya! We all really needed to start a journey like this. Just for ourselves. But look how we all benefit from it - it's simply amazing!

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  9. Congratulations on your 100th post! It took me a year to reach that point, but I had many of the same insights in that time. It seemed superficial to take pictures and blog about myself, but it's also inspiring to create new posts and work in a visual medium. And it's pure joy to see the amazing pictures that other people post! You have incredible style, and I think this post really captures a lot of it - bright colors, wonderful patterns, and beautiful accessories. I'm so glad your inner sunshine is shining here!

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    1. Thank you so much, Val! You really touched me. It blows my mind to realize how many of us experience this journey similarly, and how it changes us. It's beautiful.

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  10. Happy 100th! I can't believe you've been blogging for so long and that we've only just discovered you, it feels like I've known you for years! If it hadn't been for those Jeffrey Campbell shoes I might never have found you!
    I love your yellow ensemble with a nod to Russia. I have a very similar shawl which I love, I'll have to dig it out in your honour.
    Blogging is wonderful. I too thought it was superficial and a little vain at first but its led to true friendships and I love it. Never stop! xxxxx

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    1. Thank you so much, Vix!! Jeffrey Campbell did his little magic, so I thank him too! :) I am so very happy to have found you, or rather that you have found me, or just that we found each other. Here is to friendship and bloggers meet ups! :) And I'd love to see your shawl! :)

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  11. congrats! hugs! champagne!
    i had my 100 in februar, after a year of blogging. and i started for almost the same reason as you: just to have a place to express myself....(although i´m not a pure "fashion" blogger)
    the 40 years of life are not visible in your face! must be that inner sunshine that keeps you young.
    and wearing all this bright clothes. i wrote it lately at shawna´s - outer and inner influence each other. not only the inner the outer (most people will agree) but the outer the inner too (new for some).
    i have to confess i would be one of them thinking you´r forgotten your skirt when seeing you at the streets. but in this pictures is nothing to miss. mysterious. all i can see is gorgeous colors, lovely prints, a stylish handbag worn by a beautiful women!
    and that russian shawl is to die for! have a weak spot for stuff like this. i bought one last year and then i saw the exactly same in internet news - on jovanka broz tito, who died last autumn. bizarre.
    http://bahnwaerterhaeuschen.blogspot.de/2013/10/matrioschka.html
    xxxx <3

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    1. It is such a wonderful insight, Beate - the outer does influence the inner, you are absolutely right!
      Your shawl is a beauty, and so are you!! :)

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  12. I can't believe you doubted your English before starting the blog! Congratulations, Natalia, on your 100th post! Very beautiful floral blouse you're wearing here to celebrate the event. And silk! I love silk things. The platok is an amazing find and the fact that it had been selling as "Russian tablecloth" made me laugh.

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    1. Oh, I said it not once and I'll say it again - my writing is better than my speaking, and of course with more practice it's getting better still. But thank you very much for your encouraging words, Olga!

      Our platki are just timeless beauty, we need to wear them more often (though, it can be challenging in your climate). :)

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  13. Congratulations on your 100th post! I think you have created an inspiring blog and your writing is wonderful. I see the confidence here in these pictures. It will take you far! I've had so many of the same feelings about blogging. Am I self indulgent or who will read this? You look amazing dear, so strong and filled with life!

    blue hue wonderland

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    1. Thank you, Ann! Your support was very encouraging from the very beginning when you first commented, and I will always keep it in my heart! :)

      I am amazed how many women can relate to what I wrote here. There is something both intimate and universal in these feelings... that is eye opening to me.

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  14. Happy 100 posts in less than a year that's incredible! Internal sunshine is the best kind because once you have it, it shines out of you onto everything. I totally get why you started blogging and I love that it has helped you grow into a more colorful you! I think women tend to give so much to everyone in their life leaving little if anything for themselves. I'm so happy that you found yourself again through blogging and the icing on the cake is the connecting we do with other women. Believe it or not I wore tons of black for years, age has given me the confidence to finally dress for me.

    I love that Russian scarf! I have a small collection and can't wait until it's a bit warmer, I am gonna wear them a ton this spring! Since we are both west coasters I hope we get to meet one day!
    Stay beautiful this outfit makes me smile!
    Xxxxxxoooooo

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    1. Krista, we just must meet one day! And it is both hard and not hard to believe that you wore black. It's not hard because we all change, it is only natural to change. I am so happy that we change into more madly blooming, as Bella Q says, women! And you do bloom madly, my dear!! :)

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  15. Congratulations on your 100th post! It took me about two and a half years to get that far! I'm so glad you've found yourself again through blogging, as well as some kindred spirits along the way.

    And that shawl is exquisite. I can't believe someone thought it was a tablecloth!

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    1. Thank you so much! Blogging is such an inspiring tool for people like us, who enjoy both writing and visual creativity. I am so very happy and honored that I met such amazing women like yourself! :)

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